Recent research has shown that children are “wired” from birth to connect with others, and that children who feel connected and included in their community, family, and school are less likely to misbehave. To become happy, contributing people, children need to learn the necessary social and other skills.

For this reason, we would like to draw your attention to a specific parenting method that we support and that we also work with ourselves: Positive Discipline, friendly and determined parenting.

Positive Discipline is a method designed to teach children to become responsible, respectful and resourceful members of society. It teaches important social and other skills in a way that is respectful and encouraging to both the children and the adults. It is important that we only use techniques that work/are effective in the long term. Punishment and reward are therefore not part of this because these are only positive in the short term. In the long term they will always have negative consequences.

Some important principles within Positive Discipline: 

• Let a child do what a child can do themselves. Don't take over them. Encourage them to get dressed, pack their school bag or swim bag, make their sandwiches, cut their food, … always taking their age into account. If they don’t know how to do something yet, teach them—without doing it in their place. 

• Let a child experience. Do not stand between a child and their experience. It’s okay for a child to sometimes feel cold, hungry, pain, or sadness. Many parents tend to protect their children from this by forbidding certain things or, on the contrary, by obliging them. Try to step away from that. Give advice, but let the child make their own decisions. They are, of course, also responsible for the consequences—and we should not solve those for them.

• Involve children in making agreements. The goal is to create as few rules as possible, and instead work together with your children to set agreements around situations that may cause difficulties—such as the morning routine, meals, or bedtime. You’ll notice that things go much more smoothly when children have been involved in creating these agreements.

By applying the above principles and understanding that, as a parent, you are a role model (children mostly copy what they see you do, not what they hear you say), you will automatically notice that raising your children will becomes a lot less challenging.

Would you like to learn more about this parenting method?

Check out the Positive Discipline website, read the book Positive Discipline by Jane Nelsen, watch our webinar on kind and determined parenting or contact us!

This blog was written by coach Bjorn Zwakhoven.